Week 2

Since last week I have completed several more lessons in the self branding workbook, written twice, participated with Mitch as vendors at Lower Town Art and Music festival, made a banquet breakfast (ham, casserole, biscuits, 150 deviled eggs, etc)for end of the year celebration for my dual credit students, hosted our final Europe trip meeting, voted, visited with a family friend that I haven't spent time with in maybe 7 years, had an epic allergic reaction to almonds, cleaned my jewelry, inventoried it, re mechanized our local sales venue, prepared a box to ship, attended senior awards night, handed out honor cords, gave an impromptu speech, entered hundreds of final senior grades, and started on a collaborative wall hanging with my aunt to be finished before we leave for Europe on June 6th. Dedicating time to self reflection or growth is not easy. Especially at this time of the year. My professional responsibilities make it difficult to dedicate a reasonable amount of time to even minimal self care. However, through working in the workbook I've discovered that I AM actually passionate about teaching. That's a pretty big pill for me. To say or write, "I am not willing to put this part of my life aside, teaching is vital to my personhood, my contribution to the world is greater in the classroom than it is in my studio", is big. But the conjoined twin to this discovery is that my contribution to my students is diminished if I am not a maker. This is a two headed snake. Both aspects of my self require 100%. And completely leave out my family. And my self outside of teacher/maker role. Which is why I have started this renewed journey of accountability and reflection. Today I blog for accountability. I blog to offer myself necessary reflection time. And to say how awesome reflection has been to show me that 15 years of chasing the dream of being a maker I realize that my goals have changed as I've grown. The fun part of the, the win, if you will, is that through taking the time to reflect (if only a wee bit) I have realized that I AM achieving many of the things we set out to do. We had our best LTAMF yet. We increased prices on a few items and saw an increase in our bottom line. I recognized that many of the customers who came in off the street and raved over my work AND bought things, fit the image of "dream client" I was forced to imagine through doing the Braid workbook. The things we set out to do, we ARE doing! Plus ten thousand things more. This week's added bonus is that Mitch agreed to do the exercises with me. It has been fun to see how we differ from and mirror each other in the beginning exercises. Not only am I tasked with self discovery and reflection but I'm married to a maker and together we have built our life around our creativity. Meaning we must BOTH self care in order to contribute to the health of the whole. Now if you'll excuse me, Wren requires that I nap with her a while.

Beginning again

My life has been so full for so long and our dreams have been so fully realized that we've had to make new ones. We used to chase our goals but now it feels more like I'm chasing my tail. For years now, I have been reacting and hustling that I haven't had the chance to pay attention to myself as an individual, a parent, a wife, a teacher, and especially a creative entity/artist. For so long I have been fighting to keep my head above water that I have lost track of my (our) successes and my sanity! I'm all up in the ebb and flow of productivity and creativity and life and I'm ready to start steering the boat again. I'm fed up with feeling unfulfilled. It started with a bookclub invitation. We read two quick books "steal like an artist" and "show your work". They were full of action points and completely easy to read and implement. From that stemmed an invitation to a small group meeting to create accountability with some women I completely respect and admire. This morning I printed a self branding workbook and am currently working through the first lesson: defining my dreams and fears. These small steps are starting to build an little inertia. I'm taking the reigns again. No more letting life happen to me. One thing I CAN do is achieve what I decide I want. My life has been full of SO many successes; finishing my masters in metalsmithing (a dream since I was 16) running my first 5K after having never run in my life, having a completely natural labor, paying off big debts (thanks Dave Ramsey), buying and selling property, building my house. I can do hard things! The struggle now that I have accomplished all of my goals is to redefine what my adult self wants. An artist I deeply admire exclaimed to me just after I graduated with my masters, " The world is your oyster!" and it truly is! This blog is officially resurrected. I may do some of my work book stuff here. It may be a catch all of all the junk that piles up in my head. Either way, it's here. Hold me accountable, friends. Be my tribe. May 9th It begins.

Finish line

The end of the year is drawing near. I have resigned myself to the fact that we won't be into our house in time for the baby. I'm overwhelmed by the thought of trying to move my entire house with a newborn in tow. I can't quite wrap my brain around the logistics of it. The baby feels huge and is SUPER active. I have seen her little body moving around in me. Its wild. Everything is perfect with her and the pregnancy. Waiting for labor is oddly nerve wracking. If you can imagine being told that within a month you'll be hit by a car; you've done everything right and you most likely will be just fine but its going to hurt and its going to take a long time to recover. How can you possibly prepare for that? Mitch and I stayed up until midnight getting the room ready - pulling out all of the baby stuff that we had previously packed. We assembled the crib out neighbors gave us and I started washing the sheets. This isn't how I ever imagined the baby arrival would go but I'm thankful that we have a place to come home to with her.

Fresh

It has been a long time since I have written anything. Life gets in the way of reflection and introspection. A brief list of happenings since summer;
1. the house is coming along; interior walls going up, floor down, all windows and doors installed
2. I'm pregnant; now about 5 & 1/2 months
3. teaching is still going along smoothly = doing my internship year has proven to be WAY easier than I expected

those are the major things.
I have been trying to read about baby and child rearing things in my "free" time. Which means I'm going to have this baby and not know the first thing about what to do with it! Mitch and I met with a Doula 2 weeks ago and have hired her. I am still looking for answers about birthing centers/hospitals. I'm very underwhelmed with the lack of options here. Almost 40% C-sections rate at the local hospital!

Life keeps happening. I am desperately trying to slow myself down and enjoy some of it.

Approaching the Finish Line

I'm a solid week back into school. This weekend is my 30th Birthday. Our house and studio is reaching a 50% completion status and life is quite good. Fall has always been a gentle time for me. Especially now that I teach; life in the fall seems so generous, so full of potential, so optimistic. Maybe its just that the oppressive heat is lifting?
This will be my third year with some of my students. It has been genuinely rewarding to watch them mature artistically (and emotionally - at least most of them ;) There is a curious feeling that is settling into my gut. Like a pot simmering. My students are getting ready to fly the coop. I am embarking on my KTIP so that I can continue teaching in KY. Mitch and I are nearing our studio and house deadlines. Something big awaits us.
This will be a year full of tight deadlines, sometimes uncomfortable challenges, and back breaking work but the final pay off promises to be so sweet. For all of us.

summertime

I've been working so hard for so long that I've forgotten to have any fun.
Its not all bad though! Working on our house is immensely rewarding and I can't wait to get my studio set up in it!
Its been a grueling 2 years. After moving to Paducah, I immediately took a job teaching high school.
You're probably thinking "gross"... It's not. Its more enriching and empowering than I could have ever imagined. The kids I work for are fantastic. Teaching has given me more time to research, read, grow, and learn. It has however robbed me of time to make.
Aside from a handful of lucky commissioned pieces (you know who you are :) I've been fairly absent from my bench.
Maybe its leftover scorn from grad school? Maybe I'm just turned off by the cost of metal?
Maybe its that I get all of the problem solving I need building a house, studio, and pre-college arts program?!
Not to mention that I also volunteer with the Paducah Arts Alliance; orchestrating the artist in residency program.

I have been fantasizing about hitting metal with a hammer lately.
Summer has brought me some solitude - an opportunity to listen to my thoughts as they race by.
My goal is to spend Friday hitting metal with a hammer.
Wish me luck!

masks I love

sick nasty = I love this